Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
