There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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