i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
