I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
