how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
