Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
