I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
