Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
