Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
