He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
