after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
