If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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