I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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