So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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