fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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