i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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