Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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