doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
