Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
