yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
