mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
