You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
