so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
