i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
