I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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