She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
