Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
