i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
