sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
