I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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