Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
