You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
