No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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