Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im holly from the hills drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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