We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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