i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
