I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
