he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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