so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
