I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
