I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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