We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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