pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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