looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
