i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
