If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
