are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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