Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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