Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
