I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
